Snow in August
by JeanWallace
Summary: Living in Pennsylvania young August Star is a typical high school student with many friends and small town dreams. Suddenly her life changes drastically as tragedy unleashes its ugly face in her life. August must move on, cope, and also deal with the new boy in town. This is her story.
1. Remembering

**Remembering **

Dear Journal Feb 22nd,2009

"You see me there, you wonder why I smile. My eyes do not deceive you, I am happy, but only just. Fate, is truth. You can't stop the wind from blowing or the snow from falling, why even try? This path is already beneath my feet. I'm afraid I'll never have my true happiness back. I'll never find the key, to walk through that door.

Sunshine is my craving now, the only warmth I can feel; I would have been content being a flower. Hide in the winter and bloom in the spring to enjoy the summer. I breathe in hope and faith, so I won't smother in grief and sadness. Life is what we make of it; take it on with a hunger to fulfill it."

I sat there analyzing the words. Me on pages.

"This will go on facebook later." I thought, and then grimaced at my own words. What was I thinking?

"I have no life" I grumble, getting up from my overly sized bed for such a small room, practically chucking my journal and pen on my desk knocking a few things over onto the floor.

"Oops." I didn't care.

I found my shoes in a heap of clothes lying on my floor. With about five other heaps that looked exactly the same in different areas of my room. My mother was a compulsive clean freak and I knew she would have my head for this, but it was another thing I didn't care about, like everything else these days.

I grabbed my keys off my bedside table.

I struggled to put my shoes on as fast as possible without untying them first but with no success I had to unknot the beasts to even get them over my heel.

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

"Wonderful" I rolled my eyes.

"Can a girl ever have a freaking break down without interruptions?" I muttered ignoring Jades call. I didn't care. I needed out! RIGHT NOW!

Without saying goodbye to my mother, another wrong move on the daughter part. I would probably get grounded, dish duty, maybe have my keys taken away –all of thee above-. Oh well. I ran out of the house ignoring that we had a drive way and bounded down the front yard. My baby, a blue s10 Chevy truck was parked on the curb. My sanity.

I fumbled putting my key into the lock, dropping them on the ground, I bent down to retrieve them, when I touched the cold hard asphalt with my fingertips, a chill rose up my spine, that's when I realized I didn't have on a jacket. Wonderful. The flurries started hitting my face, reminding me winter was appalling. I couldn't stand the cold and living in Tunkhannock Pennsylvania. What kind of name was that anyway. Everything wasn't even close to reality. The people were overly nice, the houses were large and misplaced in the quiet town. It was kind of like living in a dream world. Nothing made since. I usually tried to not pay attention anymore.

"Ehh!" I urged. Finally the keys cooperated, unfortunately, after my fingers where blue and frozen from the pre-mature blizzard like conditions.

I was on the highway in 2 minutes. It was a pretty easy access from our house. Avoiding any radio station that could possibly have reminders of the past three years, I settled on rap. We never listened to it anyway.

I knew exactly where I was going, but I couldn't explain to you why the hell I was going there.

"Your an idiot August." I spoke to myself unaware I was going around 80. More then what my poor truck could handle. I ignored my sane thoughts of turning around and going home, they were always inviting but, they never convinced me.

I concentrated on breathing.

I was hyperventilating or was close to it. I could feel my heart beating in my fingertips-never a good sign.

"Calm yourself" I spoke gently, then watched as my speed dial curved around the numbers, 75, 70, 65. That was good enough for now. I wasn't in any hurry.

Only 10 minuets later I saw the sign for excite 34, 1 mile marker. My heart pounded suddenly in my chest, then dropping to the pit of my stomach. The pain was expected now, almost alluring. It always hit with the same force. I took my right hand from the steering wheel and pressed my forearm into my stomach, holding it together. Nausea radiated through my body and I had a sudden urge that I was going to throw up. I could pull over but I always remembered what my father said while he was teching my to drive on the highway

"It's very unsafe to pull over on the side of the highway August, you could easily get hit and killed. The police would have to scoop you up with a shovel and your mother and I would have to haul ourselves distraught and all, to see if we can identify you. You wouldn't want that now would you?" I never had an answer to that. Horrible mental pictures though.

My hands became very clammy and I could feel myself sweating, it gathered above my brawl.

"Why do I do this to myself?" I asked. I shook involuntary now. It had become _routine._

I could see the exit. Now was always the time when the pain grew stronger. A big heaviness in my belly. I remember when that pressure used to be butterflies. But I didn't want to remember that time. For some reason it always came to this, trying to talk myself out of remembering. Ironic.

"You'll regret this". I spat at my refection in my rearview mirror.

"It'll hurt later". I was beginning to feel that extra gather of liquid at the corner of my eye.

"More then it does now!" I began to yell. Tears Flowing over, wetting my cheeks.

The man driving beside me was watching me. He looked amused, looking back and forth between me and the road. He was a bald man with a very large mustache, under it he was smiling crookedly. "He thinks I'm funny?" I questioned his theory.

"Awkward" was my conclusion.

I pulled my eyes away from the handlebar mustache man gawking, in enough time to realize that I was about to miss my excite.

Maybe I should.

It would be okay if I did.

Nothing wrong with more driving.

But more then necessary, stubbornness won the battle. Turning in enough time I jerked the wheel and up I went. Words like mistake, idiot, pain, and jackass rang loudly in my mind. At this time my brain didn't control my body, every move I made was involuntary.

My phone buzzed again.

Jade or my mom I assumed.

I ignored whoever it was and kept driving.

Eventually, I was there. Where I didn't want to be, where I had to go.

"Where are we going" I sang loudly.

"You'll see" he laughed lightly. Full of secrets.

He ran to the passenger side of his black jeep perfect for the summer weather. He opened the door and stood joyful waiting for me to follow and jump in. Top gun soundtrack played from the speakers.

"One of my favorite movies" I swooned. He knew me so well. I stood there admiring him.

Joe stared at me his green eyes which had hints of light yellow and blue, which got darker green around the irises. He had very distinct eyes. He always got lots of compliments about them. His crooked smirk made me liquefy. All of him did. His shaggy sand blonde hair that fell slightly over his forehead in his eyes, his arms and chest where fairly bulky for a soccer player but I didn't mind at all. He was a sculpture made from stone, he was perfect. My very own model, I was fairly insignificant compared to him. He was also a gentleman.

I walked to him; he kissed me lightly on the forehead.

"Please tell me where we are going, its unfair." I pouted climbing into my seat.

"What is?" he asked running around the front of the jeep, jumping over the door, without ever opening it. Showoff.

"I never keep secrets from you." I said smugly.

"It will ruin everything if I tell you, I want you to be surprised, so just sit over there and enjoy this okay?"

I couldn't help but smile.

It was early summer so of course he had the top off. He was adventuresses, another one of his many qualities that I fancied, Along with athletic, romantic and child like is some way, and he had a young spirit. As we drove, my long golden hair, that I have been growing for many years now flapped around in my face and tickled my noise. I quickly regretted not wearing it in a pony.

I gazed in the suns direction. Closing my eyes and saturated up all the heat I could. I wanted to drink it, taste it. Not a day would go by that the sun and I was divided in the months of summer. We belonged together.

"So, you going tell me"

"Never!" He laughed

I sent a beam line in his direction.

"You'll never get it out of me." He spoke assertively.

"Stubborn" I breathed. He heard me

"Of course I am. You're only too sweet, so I must be stubborn for the both of us". He smiled. But it didn't touch his eye.

"Everything okay?" I asked curious.

"Yeah, why" He voice trembled. I knew him better then himself. Two years is a long time to memorize a person.

"Nothing, just making sure." I lie, staring blankly at the road.

He laughed to improve the mood and then turned up the music and started to sing earsplitting, and off tune. I joined in. he didn't want to talk about it, but I would bring it up later if he didn't. I always told him everything. I didn't like when he kept things from me.

"Excite 34, one mile."

Id never even heard of it.

"What's there?"

He said nothing just smirked looking into my eyes for only a moment.

My heart skipped a beat. Maybe two.

"Okay, since you won't tell me anything what so ever I'm not getting out of this car."

He bellowed loudly.

"I bet you five bucks you'll get out!"

"You're on!" I challenged

"Whoa!" I streaked, as I dipped my toes into the cool crisp water. It was a deep blue for being so shallow. Colors were a mere distraction to me I never missed one, it was a painters mind set. The small brook flowed gently away and out. I could feel the smooth pebbles rubbing against the bottom of my toes. It tickled and I laughed. I studied this beautiful scene. It was fairytale like definitely a Cinderella type setting. Trees hung in willows, with little white flowers peppered a crossed its arms. Above them where elderly, large oaks, aged with the years of wind storms and icy blizzards, but still full and vibrant. It created a canopy above our head where only slits of sunlight shown through. The smell was even more vibrant then the colors. Honey suckles sweet and dismal voice clung to everything that lived. Wild flowers lounged in the waist high grass that danced with the easy breeze that made things cool from the thick warm air. It was amazing here. More beautiful then anything I have ever seen.

I couldn't seem to pull away from where my toes rested in the chilled water. I turned to look back. Joe was standing there looking at me. His eyes were prized. He was awaiting my reaction, I knew from his stance and the smile that sufficiently showed all his teeth, he was more that satisfied.

Beside his feet, was the only thing that lacked the color of Roy g biv. There lay His black, gangly camera bag strewed a crossed the bright green grass. I frowned. He walked toward me, in wonder with my sudden great mood had changed.

"What's wrong now?" He took me by my waist and pulled my slightly to him. He had kicked off his sandals so they wouldn't get wet and stepped into the water with me.

"Oh nothing, it's just, your poor little camera bag. Please let me buy you a new one!" I begged.

"You wont regret it, yours is covered in duck tape and still isn't in one piece! Oh please just once" I sounded like a whiney little child begging here mother for candy at the store. But that's how I felt I wanted to get him something. I owed him so much. He does too much for me, and I give nothing in return, well in theory anyway. He wouldn't let me.

"You know I wont let you August, besides I think the duck tape gives it character." Just then he scooped me up in his arms and crushed me to him. My feet left the water and I was joyfully in his embrace. My feet flew out behind me as he started to spin rapidly, since I was so short and little he thought it was fun to pick me up occasionally and throw me around like a rag doll I wasn't okay with that nonsense. He knew I didn't like this.

"Put me down!" I cried. Trying to contain the laughter and vomit simultaneously.

"I'll through up!" I screamed.

"You know I will!" Things were blurry. I constricted my throat.

He chuckled and put me down, keeping his hands on my waist steadying my balance. What else was knew? Sometimes I fell a lot, over imaginable objects.

"Thank you." I spat at him turning away with a splash. I hope I got his shorts wet.

"You know I love doing that to you, your fun to play with…well you know what I mean anyway. You're just comfortable. Also, mini sized." He teased. Wrapping his arms around my waist. He was even cute when I was furious. Lucky for him that my anger was only just. My size meant nothing about my personality. You know the term big things come in small packages. Well I try to live up to that theory, but I am shy in most cases. Being 5 foot 1, which I usually lie an add maybe one or two inches so that my dignity was in tacked. People usually came up and still pinched my cheeks. Oh how it set me off. You wouldn't want to be in my line of fire after a pinching attack, I use to call them. My mom called me her little porcelain doll. It was embarrassing.

"I love this place, it so picturesque."

"I'm glad you do. I found this place a few years back when my mother and I were looking for good places to take pictures." He shrugged.

"Well I think you found the ideal place here. Would you show me them sometime then? I would love to see them." I asked. He picked me up this time. Gently. Taking all of me with him. I was relieved when he sat me down on my feet, but no longer in the water. I looked at him, wondering.

"Would you have moved yourself?" He asked, moving his eyebrows up slowly.

"I was content." I smiled and my hand found his. Our fingers entwined. They fit perfectly.

"You ready?" He asked pulling me futher into what looked like an entrance, or a path.

"Where we going?" I realized I had asked that question a least 20 times today.

All he did was smile. Something in the way his face crushed together when he turned his head away from me made me panic. I was known to jump to conclusion. But I had a sense something was wrong. Things on his mind maybe? I couldn't be sure. This was a new feeling I had never felt before. It was interesting. Where was he taking me and why did it seem like things wouldn't be the same after we exited this dream of nature.

The path we walked on now was beaten and wore. But not of late it seemed. It had grown over with the new season. The smell of oaks and wild flowers was as vivid as before with less honey suckle. We walked for what seemed only minutes. I tried to count my steps but stopped after 200. He never talked, but held my hand tightly and caressed it every now and then. I wanted to reach for his face and kiss him gently, the urge grew. I didn't know why. It seemed unnecessary at the time, but maybe for the future. I wasn't sure.

He turned off our narrow path, into waist high grass and white lilies. I took one of the blossoms and pinched it off with my finger as we passed by. I looked at it between my thumb and finger and reached with it tucking it behind my ear with my hair holding it in place. Nature was glorious I rejoiced silently. I smile. How easily I was amused.

When he stopped I looked forward. Our feet touched nothing but dark green grass. The sun, setting now, shown through the forest top, falling in ribbons. Off in the distance was the only white willow tree draped in its white blooms, utterly misplaced back in this hidden meadow. I supposed we were heading for it. I walked out in front of him bouncing. I started to spin letting my dress flow out from me, arms wide and outstretched.

"It's more beautiful than anything I've ever seen." I cooed.

"It's our secret place." He smiled not letting it touch his eyes.

I had not noticed he carried a blanket in his arms. I was distracted by many other thoughts. Usually I'm more sightful then that. I was loosing my edge. He took the red blanket unfolding it, laying it a crossed the grass. I sat lightly, tucking my dress under me; I prefer my underwear be hidden from other eyes. He sat behind me, I leaned into his arms. I could stay like this forever.

"5 Bucks!" He shouted. I jumped.

"Ahhhgg, it was only a joke anyway." I cleared my throat.

"HA! You're funny. If it had been the other way around, boy would you never let me off the hook." He gazed at me. Bitter.

"Yeah, yeah, okay ill buy you an ice cream later. Will that satisfy your needs then?" I joked. His nose wrinkled.

"Well maybe, we'll see." He shifted his body so that he was more facing me, then me leaning into his chest. I looked into his eyes and searched, all I found was liquid moss and ocean. He closed the gap between us with eager whit and intensity. Our lips crushed together and moved violently. Kissing was another person in our relationship. Its name was curse. We had boundaries. But it sucked badly when in the heat of the moment you wanted to step over and beyond that boundary. It was only a curse. He held my face to his, one hand in my hair, grasping, pushing. The other on my back. Then abruptly without warning he stopped. Softly he pushed me back so he could look me directly in the eyes. Tears left trails of wetness on his cheeks, and then he spoke.

I didn't hear him.

It wouldn't register.

Whatever he said couldn't happen, wouldn't happen to him. Why?

I did not understand.

I began to cry, to sob.

My boyfriend, my best friend. The one my life revolved around.

He spoke again.

"August, it might be treatable." His voice cracking. Wiping my face with his fingers tips.

"When did you find out? How? What did your doctor say? I yelled with a bit more anger then what should have been evident for this situation.

"Well, you know I went to the doctors last week, with the fainting and the low sugar. He thought it was nothing until they did the blood work." He muttered taking my hand in his putting it to his chest.

"I wanted to tell you right away but I knew that I needed to think it through, let the fact that I was so sick, sink in. It's not something I could take lightly." He explained.

Right then I pulled my hand away. I was angry. Livid was more like it. This couldn't happen to him. He is perfect, the nicest person anyone has ever met. He is so genuine and so incredible in so many ways. I couldn't think, I couldn't take it. I walked away. Not looking at the beautiful greens and light that was golden before. All I saw was gray. The light had left my world that day. He had cancer. He was dying.


	2. My Life, or what was left of it

**My Life. Well, what was left.**

**I** was right about my mother.

When I walked through the front door, I regretted it instantly.

Sheesh. It was like I had committed a National crime.

Mothers. I thought bitterly. Unlike some, she was a, what you call "Authoritarian". Her way or the highway kind of deal. It was okay. I had my father.

Don't get me wrong or anything my mother was a good mom. She had been through a lot in her lifetime, and I understood that. Without her I wouldn't have the divine patience that I have today. Without her 3 hour "killing sessions" I mean, lectures, high school would be hell. Things have gotten better since, well, my mother has calmed down some and gives me free rope, of which I was thankful. More than she knew.

After a 20 minuet one sided conversation about responsibility and the fact that I was still living under her roof, I stomped up the stairs to my dark, cold room.

I was too exhausted to change into my pajamas. I didn't even want to make the short walk to the bathroom to wash my face or to take my contacts out. My legs were heavy and so was my heart. I had enough today. With going to…. Our place.

Right then I regretted thinking about it again. It stung. It bit at my stomach like leeches or ticks. The pain was unimaginable. I wouldn't think about it tonight. I couldn't.

I kicked off my shoes and pulled back my comforter. I would sleep in jeans tonight I didn't care.

I pulled out my phone to check my missed calls. I had 2 from my mother, and 1 from Jade. Jade had also left a voice mail. I would see her tomorrow, she could tell me then. Right now I just didn't care. Again.

I closed my eyes. Trying hard not to picture his face. But, without fail I did. I always did. Even in my depth of drowsiness, my body always stayed conscience long enough to see his face one last time. Just enough to pull me under.

School had become habitual.

Something that kept me alive, something to pass my time.

When I walked from my truck into the front doors of Tunkhannock High, Jade was already at my side with questions flying around everywhere.

She was very enthusiastic today, for it only being 8:10.

Jade has been my best friend since we were in the womb. Practically we were sisters. Never apart, but lately distance has been my second best friend. She was a lot taller than me, but it wasn't hard to do. Her red curly hair lay in spirals down to her shoulders, and she had so many freckles that made her completion much darker than mine. Both of our styles were similar, comfortable and unique. We rather make and design then buy right off the rack. Both very vintage, and nonetheless very stubborn.

"AUGUST!" Jade yelled, waving her fingers in front of my face. So many distractions.

" Eh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just… tired. And obviously not as hyper as you in the morning." I hissed.

"Whatever, what's with you Anymore?" She challenged. Then dismissed the thought.

"Never mind. Just listen to me for one moment of your life, this is important. You know that um, essay that's due today in Mrs. Kippers class? The Great Gatsby one." She urged.

Oh. Crap. She obviously read it on my face.

"Yeah! That's what I thought. You didn't do it. Didn't you get my massage last night? Huh? I called you and you didn't answer me." She shrieked smugly.

"Sorry, I was asleep." I Lied.

"August I called you when it was still daylight." She said more relaxed. She knew.

By this time we were right in front of my locker and I was waging a war against my combination lock. Finally I got it open and I looked at her.

"You went to the place again, didn't you?" She spoke gently leaning against the locker bay, like she could crush me with just one word. Simply put, she could.

"I don't want to talk about it Jade. I had to go. You don't understand." I struggled to get the words out. She looked at me with deep concern. Like a mother looking at her child who was getting stitches. I had many wounds. I fumbled over the books in my locker, and finding the one I needed _The Great Gatsby_.

"The Essay, shoot! What am I going to do?" I quickly thought of something to say about the missing essay. Maybe I could fake sick. Not like I didn't look like death anyway. I had always been pale, but my skin was porcelain. I never had to purchase blush because it was perfectly placed on the high arch of my cheekbones natural. Nor did I really have a want to wear make- up. It made me feel fake, like a lie. Same with my hair color. It was naturally gold. Not blond per say, but more like the sun. But everything today was colorless. I was officially turning into a zombie.

"Well not much you can do about it now. Let's go to class. Oh by the way, have you seen the new boy?" She said more quite now so the other miscellaneous teens wouldn't here our banter.

"No." I said simply. I didn't pay attention to anything that moved especially those that resembled a male form.

"Well you need to see this guy. I mean wow. He takes hot to a totally different level. It's unfair." She laughed at her own assumption. She was boy crazy. Actually that didn't cover it. Her life revolved around boys. It all happened after she read the Twilight series. Edward Cullen the Beautiful, strong vampire and Jacob Black a muscular hunk of a werewolf fighting over one insignificant person named Bella Swan. I know more than once she would fantasize about being Bella Swan. It got so bad that she even stalked the actors who played in the movies on the internet for weeks. That's why I never read them. I saw what it did to her. She hasn't been able to think straight since.

"Well maybe I'll see him sometime." I reasoned. But I probably wouldn't.

We walked to class together. Before we got there Jade was filling me in on some sophomore drama, fights, breakups, I was so lost. I'd lost touch with a lot of my other friends after… anyway. Everything was news to me.

Class went by slowly.

Mrs. Kipper was obviously upset that I did not remember my essay but she gave me an extra day to do it. She has sympathy for my overly pathetic life.

Everyone occasionally glanced my way when they thought I wasn't looking. This was normal. They knew my life wasn't a piece of cake anymore. I bet some of the caddy girls were happy that my life was not "perfect". Like it ever was. But that's the way of the world is these days. It's disgusting.

After class was over I was a bit more chipper. The day flew by. The same ol' same. After English I went to physics with Mr. Petermitler.

In class there was me and 24 Seniors. It was okay with me, it gave me more of a reason to pay attention and keep my A. We talked about reasons for gravity explanations and how scientists could be proven wrong by their own theories. I knew the answers but I didn't speak. Everyone can be wrong it some way or another. God only knows the truth.

After, I went to Government, my least favorite, with . This lady was so far left; she had posters of Obama all over the class room and made it a priority for her students to read his book. I didn't even think twice about it. She gripped when she realized how many of us didn't read.

Then I went to Spanish, I had that again with jade which made it bearable.

Before lunch I had arts appreciation, my favorite class. I loved Art. It was something I could relate to.

Mr. Liv was always in a good mood despite having to put up with disobedient adolescence for the rest of his existence. I would never understand why he found the cockiness of teen rebellion so appealing, but whatever floats his boat. I would say it more than once, he made me smile, because he was so insightful. He knew what I had been through, and he knew the emotions I wore on my sleeve. He class was genuinely the best part of the day.

I went to lunch all the same. Me and Jade walked together like every other day and took our normal seats next to some of our other "not as close" friends. Before we got to the table Mauve Foster and Addison Welds were already there having another argument. It was so obvious by their facial expressions and the tone of their voices.

I looked at Jade as she looked back at me; we decided to sit at the other end of the table to avoid awkwardness. By the time I got there to sit I picked up enough words to know what they were arguing about.

Addison, was easily the most handsome guy at our school, now anyway. So naturally, Mauve was always on her guard. He was tall, had brown shaggy hair and bright blue eyes that just poured into your soul. He was also a flirt. That's what got him in trouble this time.

Mauve was extremely tall, well taller than jade and slightly shorter than her boyfriend. Supermodel came to mind when I first saw her. Dark brown hair flowed in waves down to her waist that helped bring out the brown in her hazel eyes. I don't understand why she freaks out so much. She's beyond more beautiful than any other girl. Once Jade told me I would give her a run for her money. I laughed in her face.

Addison gave us a regretful look, as if he were hoping we would sit closer so the fight would stop. I gave him a slight frown and looked away. I wouldn't interrupt.

That's when Carly Sims sat down a crossed from me by Jade.

"Another fight, great." She said, rolling her eyes.

"I know, it's ridiculous." Jade muttered. "How was your weekend though?" She sighed getting up from the table.

"It was alright. I had to babysit for my little brother everyday and didn't get much homework done. He's getting better! I'm so happy! He can walk again and everything. Surgery was so upsetting for me and my mom but we are both still praying that he will pull through. I believe he will." She smiled.

"He will!" I said back with a smile, getting up from the table looping my arm through hers.

"Yes, Carly if your family needs anything you know who to call, okay?" Jade spoke, looping her arm around Carly's other arm.

"I love you guys so much, what would I do without you?" You could see her eyes wetting with tears.

Her brother was 4 and had leukemia. You know the blood disease that deprives the body of red blood cells and infected it with white. Her brother has had it for two years and just got done with a bone marrow transplant a week beforehand. He was stronger. Which was very good. I had seen the worst part of the disease take him. It was hard to handle and brought up memories that were unwelcome. Especially when we went to the hospital. I escaped the memory right then. Not today.

When we got back to the table others had joined us finally.

Andrew was sitting there with a sad look on his face. I knew why, his other half was not there. Kendall.

"Where is Kendall" I asked sitting where I had sat before, right next to Andrew.

"She's home sick today. Stomach flu." He sighed.

I moved further away from him, in reaction to his words.

"Oh whatever August, I don't have it". He joked flinging his arm around my shoulder and tugging me closer to him. He breathed in my face. His breath engulfing my entire countenance. I shrugged away and got him a piece of gum from my purse and flung it at him. Jade laughed.

"Hey guys!" Anna shouted. The entire lunch room heard her.

She has always had a set of pipes on her. She was the one that everyone knew could sing and, would make sure you knew it. She was a natural show off and loved when all eyes were on her.

"You won't believe who I just talked to!" She boasted, while raising her eye brawls, to see who was going to respond.

"Let me guess, the new guy." Addison said with a spit. I was surprised to hear him talk. I looked over to see that they had made up. Sickeningly.

"What Addison, you already don't like the guy? Your just jealous that he's hotter then you." Could she say it any louder?

"Whatever Anna, at least I can keep my weight under control without barfing." That was over the line.

"I don't puke, that's disgusting you ass..." She lied. We all knew the truth.

"Anyways…" Mauve interrupted. I was thankful. What was with this new guy anyway? I hadn't seen him yet today. I was kind of thankful since his presence has started so many complications and he has only been going here for one day.

Lunch went by fast. All of us talked and joked. It would never be the same though. My heart sank. I felt sick. I didn't finish my pizza and left lunch early. I got to my math class and started on my homework for tonight. I was in pre calculus. I was thankful for it more so then none. It took concentration that left other memories behind. This was my last class before the end of the day. I knew this would go by fast, then I would be home bound. Other students started to compile into the class.  
I closed my book and left the homework I was working as a bookmark saving the page. Then I heard a gasp come from my right. The room got quiet. I look over at the girl who sat beside me. She was obviously the one who had gasped. Her face was stricken with shock like she had witnessed a crime or a car accident. I stared in the direction that her eyes were glued to. A boy stood in the doorway.

He was looking around the room for a vacant seat, arms empty. Without a doubt I knew this was the boy everyone was talking about. At that moment I could not pull my gaze away from him. They were wrong, all of them. He was more than "hot", he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I tore my gaze away when he rested his eyes on the seat right beside me, to my left. I breathed evenly. I looked to my right again at the girl. She watched him the entire time mouth hanging wide open. I wanted to snap her jaw shut so she would have some of her dignity left. I secretly hoped she would start drooling.

I looked over to my left to see if he had sat down yet. He was sitting. He was looking at me, like I had spoken to him. Did I? I don't think so.

His brown eyes were big and bright. I'd never seen such a brown before. They were rich with chocolate, and had russet highlights that made them burn, his gaze was penetrating. They were deep set into his flawless face. His skin was silky and smooth, just a tad darker than mine. His hair had been freshly cut, short and barely brushing his forehead. His hair also was a profound coffee color like his eyes; he ran his fingers through it. He was tall, maybe 6'2. As he sat he had some trouble fitting into the school desk; his knees hit the metal frame. He wore a black leather jacket that fit precariously over his muscular arms. I'd guess he had worn it every day for a few years. The material was worn and wrinkled and shined wet from the snowfall outside. His cheeks and the tip of his nose had a rose blush. He'd been outside running? He smiled gently at me, his full lips stretching, hugging his perfectly straight milky white teeth and turned to look at the teacher who was approaching him. Her gaze was the same as everyone else's. I blushed and looked away from him. My heart pounded against my chest. Wow. Adrenaline was pumping through my system. I hadn't felt this in months.

Class held none of my attention, and I could probably speak for every female in the room, including the teacher. She even had trouble concentrating and sometimes got the wrong answers on her examples. It made me laugh. Nonetheless, I tried to push the feeling out of my mind. I was good at pushing feelings away. I was a pro, actually. But I could not ignore the intense feeling to look at this boy. I'd go to look at him and decided it was best not to give into the feeling. I made it through the entire hour without a glace in his direction. I couldn't help but feel like he was looking at me though. I felt the heat of his eyes on my face multiple times throughout the class. And my accusations were correct when the girl sitting beside me caught me in the hall after I booked it out of there without any other temptations.

"Did you know that guy, sitting beside you today?" Sarah lakes, asked in a casual tone.

"No actually, I've never met him before in my life. Why?" I asked curious. Hoping she would just shut her mouth and walk away unsatisfied. But I was wrong.

"He couldn't keep his eyes off of you. Didn't you notice? He is mouth watering. If I were you, I would be all over that". She smiled and walked away.

"Well good thing im not you". I muttered under my breath.

"Talking to yourself again August?" I jumped at Jades Voice.

"Sheeshh" I spat at her.

"Sorry sorry, how were the rest of your classes? Anything interesting?" She asked as we walked to our cars in the lightly falling snow.

I thought about telling her. I wanted to.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." I lied. I'll keep this one to myself.

I said goodbye to Jade and told her I would see her tomorrow. She was so excited about tonight, that my sudden mood "drop" had not fazed her in the least. She was going over to James Harrington's house. He was a junior and she has had a crush on him since the first day she laid eyes on him, back in 6th grade. They were going to watch a movie and I'm sure they will have a make-out session, or a few.

I worried about my best friend and her sometimes intense sexual desires. I can just picture it one day, me sitting beside her in a bathroom somewhere, forcing ourselves to stay calm while the little white pregnancy test sits lightly on the sink. We awaiting the information that will either end her life or the relaxed but changed attitude about future decisions of sexual behavior, when the results read no. When I told her about it, she would always say "Don't worry, I know how to control myself, I would never let it get that far". I knew her better then herself. I knew that with men, she could not control anything. She once made me promise that if I receive a test massage saying "Stars are shooting" meant in code that she was about to go too far, and that I had to call right away with some sort of excuse of why she needed to leave. I've receive that text 4 times. Hence, she had no control.

I drove home slowly trying to enjoy the familiar roads. I've lived here my whole life. I could drive home with my eyes closed and make it there safe every time.

But as always, my mood changes to misery. I am content when I am busy, not able to think, but when I get alone without any distractions, I always think about….

When I pulled up to my house my usual parking spot was taken. My brother's car took up the empty space.

How rude, I thought.

I parked down the road in front of the neighbor's house. I felt the anger well up inside me.

I slammed the front door and walked right up the stairs into my untidy room without a hello to anyone in my house. But, before I could set my stuff down, I heard thumping feet coming up the stairs. My door whipped open hitting the side of my wall with a loud thud. I cringed.

"Sis!". I looked at my brother, Donovan, standing in the doorway. I glared at him.

"Hey bub". I sighed finally releasing my anger. Like a hot air balloon releasing its steam. My anger rushed out of me. I walked over and hugged him.

"I miss you!" He gushed. Picking me up in his embrace.

"You only live like 45 minutes away, you freak". I laughed, forgetting the fact that he missed my birthday this year, and that he wasn't there for me during the hardest time of my life and he took my parking spot. I was too nice to him. But he did know how to make me smile, sometimes.

"Well, what? I haven't seen you in months." He chuckled. Dragging me back through the door down the stairs into the kitchen where my mother was cooking. Weird. It was only 4.

"You took my parking though". I said smug. He looked at me, glaring.

"Enough with the mellow drama August, your brother is just staying here for diner then he's leaving" She spoke to me giving me the harry eyeball, moving some pots around the stove and measuring water to enhance the flavor and make the pot-roast juicer. I looked over at my brother who was now kneeling down to pet our old beagle Jessie. We got her when I was 10 years old. She was the best dog. She would lay with me through tearful nights. She never left me, and was always happy to see me even though she did not know my situation. Everyone needed a dog's intuition.

I stared at my brother. Everyone one said we looked exactly alike but I didn't see it in the face. His golden hair mimicked mine; he wore it to his shoulders, He displayed the obvious characteristics of my father and I my mother. Donovan was 6 feet tall at leased and had been that way since he was 12. He played basketball every single year since the sixth grade, he was the star player. His senior year they went all the way to state and won. Both I and my parents were so proud. He was always the star child, the most popular in school and finished first in his class. He was more outgoing then me in any given situation. He graduated last year which would make him 3 years older than me. He was now living on his own about 45 minutes up the road with a few buddies of his, going to college on a basketball scholarship. How lucky could someone's life get?

We ate dinner at the table like a normal family. Have we ever been normal?

I couldn't help but notice how much happier my parents were when my brother was home. There was no longer a thick essence of loss that was permitted on my behalf that floated off my skin when Donovan was around. The quite was filled with laughter and spoken words. More then I let him know, I was glad that he came around when my mood was more irritated then in high spirits. This of course made me feel more like a burden on my parents. I left the dinner table, without speaking more than 2 words to leave more than enough room for my brother to speak. They watched me walk gingerly, emotionlessly, from the table to take my plate to the kitchen sink. I dropped it in with a audible tink, as it hit another ceramic platter. I walked away from them without looking at their faces. They didn't talk.

I crept up the stairs, hardly making it before I hit the floor. I got through the door and felt the dark gray carpet under my knees and palms. I couldn't breathe. My breath got stuck and left me gasping for nothing. I hadn't even felt the tears on my face until I pulled my hands up to grasp my head to stop the spinning. My stomach was tearing apart. There were invisible bugs, serpent like killing bugs eating at my stomach. It hurt so badly, all of me did. Then suddenly I felt hands on my back. I was now shaking violently, loud gasps were coming from my throat. The pain got too ghastly, images flashing a crossed my memories like a wild fire. I screamed through my tears. The emptiness I felt was too much. I felt my brother put his arms around my shoulders and pull me around so I was cradled in his arms, my face in his shoulder. His shirt helped saturate most of the tears on my cheeks, but they kept flowing effortlessly. He pulled me into his arms and laid me on my bed pulling the covers over me. I assume he stayed with me until the tears and low moans ceased, until my eyes closed in a peaceful sleep instead of trying to hold back cries of sorrow and pain. I thought at one moment I heard him tell me everything was going to be okay. Things would get better. But I had heard that before. They hadn't gotten better, had they? Some nights it felt like things were progressively getting worse. Especially tonight.

I woke up the next morning barely able to open my eyes. They were crusted and stuck shut. They hurt and were brittle. I got out of my bed eyes still shut, and felt my way to the bathroom so I could put a warm wet rag on them, so they would moisten enough so I could open them. When I pried them open I stared at myself in the mirror. My left cheek was swollen from where my face landed on my carpet so roughly, and my eyes were swollen and red. My lips were cracked and bloody.

I had no idea who I was when I looked at my reflection. This isn't how things are supposed to be. I'm supposed to be happy, full of life.

I took a palm full of water with both hands and splashed my face a few times and washed off all the blood. Then I brushed my teeth. I walked back down the hallway to my room and looked at my phone. It was already 10. I wasn't going to school today.

I looked at my phone, jade had called 7 times and left 3 text messages.

"Hey do you think it's too cold for shorts" She sent at 6:25 am. Of course it was, jade, you idiot. Its 22 degrees outside with an inch of snow on the ground. The second one read..

" Hey, where are you?". At 8:15. First period had started. Then she sent the last one about 5 seconds later.

"Well that's enough for me, ill be over after school! Just sleep." Wow she knew me too well.

I pulled on an old hoodie and some sweat pants. I walked down the stairs. I decided today might be a good day for laundry. I was out of underwear.

I brought down my hamper and threw in a load and watched as it spun to life. I turned to look out the window when I realized I wasn't alone.

Donovan's car was still parked out in front of the house in my usual parking space. I walked to the living room and saw him sitting there on the sofa eating bowl of cereal and watching cartoons, with a mystified frown on his face.

"What are you still doing here?" I questioned.

"I told mom I would stay here till you woke up, to make sure everything was going to be okay". Or that I wasn't going to slit my wrists, I thought.

"Thanks". I muttered. I walked over and sat next to him. I put my head on his shoulder and looked to see what he was watching.

"I never knew that things were this bad, August". It was almost a whisper.

"Only at night." I corrected him, staring blankly at the television seeing nothing.

"He loved you, ya know". He spoke gently in a soothing voice.

"When we would hang out and stuff, I could see it in his eyes". He turned to look at me.

I looked at him. I had nothing to say.

"He didn't even have to say it. August, he wouldn't want you to be this way." He shook his head.

"He would have wanted you to be happy". He took my hand and continued.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when it happened. I couldn't be around it all. He was my friend too." Then he stopped, and pulled me into his arms.

"I love you baby sis." He pulled me tight.

"If you need anything, I promise I'll be here for you. I won't ditch you like I did before".

Finally I opened my mouth. I pushed my lids down so the tears wouldn't flow.

"I know bub, I know." I sat with him, patting his back.

Donovan left shortly after. I owed him.

I went into the kitchen and figured I should probably eat something even though I wasn't hungry. I went to the cabinet and got a pop tart out and plopped it into the toaster pushing down the lever with one motion of my hand. I turned to lean against the counter.

Would this feeling ever go away? Would I always be this broken girl who lost her only real love? I was only 17 years old. I came to terms that time does not heal. It's all a lie.

I was living proof.


	3. Joe O'Bryan

**Joe O'Bryan**

**I** ran up the stairs as fast as I could, I could hear Jades mimicking footsteps right behind mine. I passed my mom on the way through and heard her murmur something along the lines of "where's the fire". When we busted through the door to my room we fell on the floor laughing hysterically. My heart was thudding through my chest, I could still see his face in my mind, perfect nose that was hugged by smooth skin covering his cheeks that were highlighted by his bright green eyes with teal and blue. His hair slightly long enough to cover his left eye. He was Beautiful.

I turned my head from the carpet to look at jade.

"I can't believe that just happened!" I rejoiced.

"I know! I know! First day of high school and you get asked out by a sophomore. I want your life. Seriously, he is the hottest guy I've ever seen I mean, did you see him score those goals. He's such a great soccer player. And his eyes, eh, so dreamy." She was reading my mind.

"So what did he say, whats his name anyway?" She continued.

" His name is Joe O'Bryan and he invited me for, a walk." I chuckled at the possibilities.

"Where at, and When? Oh come on August don't make me beg, because I will!" She pleaded sitting up. I sat up too, Indian style on my purple flower rug.

"Okay, okay. When he came up to me he asked my name and if I enjoyed my first day. I told him that it was decent, much better then middle school". I chided.

"Good answer not too ecstatic and very chill, what else?" She asked.

"Well, he just simply asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him on Friday, after school." My heart started to work in hyper speed, my adrenaline pumping. I wanted to scream out of enjoyment. I imagined his face again. The way he stared at me when he asked me to go on the walk.

"Oh my goodness, August!" She almost screamed.

"I know!" I felt like an 8 year old little girl acting like this but I couldn't help it.

"Well, we need to go shopping. I mean, what you are going to wear that day and it is a walk. Did he say what kind, like rough terrain or just sidewalk stuff? Oh and you must let me do your makeup, and your hair!" You could see her brain ticking, I'm sure she was off in girly girl land, makeup and shoes. I wasn't that completely enthralled in eye shadow and clothes, but I was very outdoorsy, so I was excited about the walk.

"Well, I don't think it matters whether or not I say yes or no, you can do whatever you want, just not heavy on the makeup, I don't want my face to weigh 20 pound afterwards, and I have no idea where he's taking us to walk. It's a secret, I like it this way." I said smiling; my cheeks were starting to hurt from my constant superb mood.

"But your shoes..." She started to say.

"I'll wear something comfortable and classy, which goes with a cute outfit, no problem at all."I reasoned. She stared at me satisfied, then her face became shocked with a grimace.

"Shoot! I have volleyball practice! Ah, crap, I'll call you later August" She screamed from halfway down the stairs. I heard the door slam. I lived about 25 seconds down the street from Tunkhannock High, so if she ran she would get a warm up jog at least.

I laid my head back down on the rug and rolled to my stomach so I was laying flat. I couldn't stop seeing his face in my head. It was like I knew him from somewhere, like I have known him my whole life or something. Wow, I can't believe this had happened to me on the first day of my high school, things like this don't happen. What if I was wrong about this feeling? What if he turns out to be a jerk? The kind of guy that only wants one thing and when he doesn't, or when he does get it he drops you like a hot potato. I'll just have to guard my heart then. I'm not a fool. I've been thinking about all the good things that could happen when it didn't appear that something awful could happen with this boy. Maybe, it was too soon to ask me. I don't even think he knows my name.

I was starting to panic with my internal banter.

I got up from the floor with a heavy feeling in my chest replacing the butterflies and giggles. I went to my bed and I grabbed my Journal. It was old and tattered. I write constantly so I'm surprised it's not in worse condition. I walked down the stairs and skipped through the house to the backyard. My mother's garden wasn't bright and beautiful like it was earlier in the spring. The warmth of the summer had made the lilies irises, and tulips wilt and discolor with season. The only true flower, the Sunflower, still stood in its bright buttery yellow, and black as night middle . Dozens of them were scattered throughout the backyard, precariously put in specific places by my mother and her handy work. My usual chair was in the deepest corner, completely surrounded in a medium sized U shape of flowers and a small little tree that sprouted little light lavender flowers every spring that lasted the entire summer; I couldn't remember the name of it. We didn't have back neighbors because it was nothing but woods behind our house, I did not mind, more privacy.

I unwound the leather strap on my journal, and found my last writings, dated yesterday. I was so anxious about today, first day of high school, so many possibilities.

I always wrote like I was writing to another person, and I knew for sure that the only person who would read this was myself, and God. So I suppose I wrote it like I was writing to him.

I opened to the next clean page and sighed. I began.

**Dear Journal, August, 17****th**** 2007**

**Well, it's just another unbelievable day. I don't even believe it. **

**His name is Joe O'Bryan. **

**He asked me to go for a walk today, to nowhere in specific. But is it a con, a joke. Just some bet or challenge from his friends or is this actually from his heart. I'm having a hard time believing that its real, but I know deep inside I wasn't dreaming. What do I do? How will I know that everything he says or does isn't just an act? Or what if he doesn't even want to walk with me, what if he doesn't show up? Will he ditch me? Now I'm worried. I might just be fooling myself; he doesn't really want anything to do with me. I bet his friends just put him up to it to just play with me. I bet they're getting a good laugh now. Eh, I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I knew my mind would wrap itself around different conclusions sometime today. Why do I even think, sometimes I'm certain that I think more than any other person on this planet. If I could put all of my thoughts on paper, like I kind of do now but, literally ****ALL ****of them, they would be endless. That's why I stayed up basically all night on Friday. I couldn't wind my mind down enough to get some sleep, but ****–**

My thought was cut short, from my yelling mother.

"August?" She hollered.

"Yes." It came through with clinched eyes.

"I'm about to start dinner, you should come inside now and help. Oh, and your brother is home from practice, get his dirty laundry will you, and start a load." She said with a rush.

Then it hit me.

Donovan would know Joe. He would have all the dirty, low down, info- if there was any that is- that I would be looking for! Ha! There is a way!

I got up from my chair and dashed into the kitchen. My mother was turning on the stove and chopping vegetables for the salad. She gave me a look as I ran by her. It was mixed with frustration and concentration. I ran to my room and chucked my journal at my bed, I didn't linger to see if that's where it landed. I bounded back down the stairs and opened the door to the basement, or in other words my brothers living courters.

"Are you dressed?" I yelled anxiously. I heard the shower running when I came into the house earlier.

"Huh". He mumbled. I waited. The last thing I wanted to see was my brother naked.

"You dressed dufuss?" I laughed.

"Um, eh, yeah... Why?" It was muffled. He was putting a shirt on.

"Can I come down and get your laundry?" I ask starting to take the first step.

"Here ill throw it to you". I heard him heaving his load into his arms.

"No wait, I need to ask you a question". I said taking the last step.

He stood there with an overly size load of laundry in his hands. Great. He dropped it.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked genuinely unconcerned. His hair was very short for his usual style; he had a girlfriend I bet.

"Do you know anything about Joe O'Bryan?" I bit my lip. I'll admit I was scared.

"Yeah he's a sophomore, pretty decent at soccer." Always sports, figured.

"Anything else?" I asked biting my lip harder; I needed to act more relaxed he would end up assuming something and ruining my life.

"Um, well he's never been in any big trouble or anything. He moved here two summers ago, I think. All I've heard are nice things I guess. Why do you care sissy, huh, you hot for him? Ha" He bellowed as he went to his desk and turned on his laptop.

"No I talked to him today and I just wanted to find some stuff out for Jade, okay". I lied. I had to. I would never hear the end of it.

"Oh, well you can tell Jade that she can talk to me about anything, any day or night." He swiveled in his rolled chair to face his computer. I wanted to smack him. He had always had a thing for my best friend. But he was not good enough for her. Jerk. I left his laundry where it lay and went up stairs. He could do it himself.

After diner- which was shorter than normal because of the lack of conversation- I went to my room to think. Would my brother lie to me about Joe? I don't know. He's never really been big on lies since he got caught with weed in the 7th grade. My mom and dad almost killed him on multiple occasions. Those were rough times with my brother. A lot of sleepless nights knowing he was sneaking out behind my parents back doing who knows what. I was always worried that one morning he wouldn't come back.

Regardless if he was lying or not, I would expect the worst. Most likely Joe won't even show up so he wouldn't have the chance to seduce me or anything, if that was his plan. Would I let him? Never. I'm not a skank.

Jade didn't call, so I knew she must have gone home and passed out after practice. Running 5 miles a day and doing other miscellaneous activities that were meant to kill you before you were 20 would give you an incentive to hit the hay early. Today was the first day of school so I didn't have any homework. I checked my agenda twice to make sure I wasn't missing anything. I had nothing to do. It was early but I figured I would try and sleep too. I turned off my lights except for my little night light in the far corner of my room. I've never liked the dark, not since I was 5. Long story. Sleep came faster than I expected after I was finally relaxed. Last thing I saw was his face.

The next few days went by slowly.

I never realized high school could be more repetitive then middle school. It was the same thing, but more people, and a smidge more freedom, which is always good. I actually enjoyed school. I loved learning new things, and weird as it sounded I liked homework. Challenges were the appeal. But as of now my thoughts were diverted in a different direction, and the first week of school hasn't even commenced.

I ran through me and Joe's conversation a thousand times in my head this week and now that it was Friday, the thoughts intensified. I couldn't help but picture his face with the crooked smile he had worn. He was so cute.

Jade didn't help things much though.

When I woke up earlier than normal I found Jade was in my closet picking out my outfit for the day. I sat up in my bed rubbing my eyes in disbelief that she was actually there. I thought I might have still been dreaming. How in the world did she get in? Donovan.

She picked out my dark jean shorts, and my yellow blouse with a dark blue tank underneath. She did my hair down and lightly curled, at which I laughed because it would uncurl before we even got to school. Lastly, she did my make-up in earthy tones, nothing crazy. But, what made us late for first period was choosing the shoes. Jade had every single pair of shoes I owned stroud all over my bedroom floor, debating with herself. I suggested the strappy brown leather sandals, but she didn't agree. Finally, after enough deliberation she chose my brown Toms shoes, more comfortable for walking was her excuse. I honestly didn't care, but I would give my friend her say in my life. Actually, I didn't have a choice.

When we got to school we were 10 minutes late and got a written warning for our bad life choice. I felt like a felon. Jade was flying high as she appraised her creation of August Star.

"You look amazing! I need to dress you every day." She said smugly, as we walked into first period together. English.

Jade went first because she was fearless, the class was quiet, they must have had a writing assignment. I walked in and was too scared to search their gazes. For all I know they didn't even look up to notice me pass by. I took my seat next to jade and then looked up. Every single person was looking at me with a strange expression. The boys were full of surprise and determination, and the girls were full of hate and jealousy. I blushed vividly. My face lit up and I lowered my eyes. After I knew no one would be looking I turned my head to Jade, who was obviously smug about her creation. I smiled. Maybe I would let her dress me from now on.

-Later That Day-

"Okay, calm down. Breathe." Jade laughed at my nervousness.

"I'm starting to think this is a bad idea." I was pacing a dip in the hallway.

"What do you mean? Are you insane? Did you even see the boy your about to go for a walk with, I think the worst thing you should be afraid of is getting Prego after the first date". That stopped me. She smiled.

"'m not you, remember? I don't plan on letting him between my legs anytime soon. You skank!" I laughed, more calm now.

"What are you afraid of then?" She questioned, raising her eye brows.

" That either he will stand me up, or he will show up but the only think he will want is to get in my pants and when I say no, he will be a huge jerk about everything.."

"Well let him in.." Jade interrupted.

" No!" I slapped her shoulder, and she laughed and squawked when I hit her.

"You are so sexual, I'm surprised your virginity is still intact". I bit at her.

"Ouch, that hurts. Oh get over it; I can't help myself when I see a hottie, they are so delicious." She licked her lips.

"Maybe a kiss is the furthest I would go. Maybe". I said, raising my chin, standing my ground.

"Yeah, yeah, well where is he meeting you?"

"Soccer fields." I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.

"Okay, well, you want me to walk you with you there and make a run for it when we see him coming". She asked, folding her arms.

"No it's okay. I'll just go by myself, he might be waiting for me instead." I suggested.

"Okay, be careful, and call me as soon as you get back home or ill come over to your house and beat the information out of you!" She wrapped her arms around me tightly. I hugged her back.

"I will I promise!" I yelled over my shoulder, as I dashed down the hall to the gym. Jade yelled something at me but I was too far away in distance, and in mind to make out what she was saying. My stomach was fluttering so rapidly. I needed to calm down before I saw him or he would think I was on drugs or something. I stood at the door to the soccer fields and took 3 deep breaths, fixed my hair, and pushed the door open. Light flooded my eyes, when they adjusted I realized I was standing alone. Joe wasn't there.

My mood change was almost tangible. Actually, you could have lit me on fire and I wouldn't care. I was sure of it, he was standing me up. I looked down at my watch and wanted to cry. It had been 25 minutes after school had gotten out. All of the remaining students who were lingering around to talk to their friends were gone now. Some of the teachers where leaving.

"I feel so stupid." I said to myself. I got up from where I was sitting at the top of one of the soccer fields, took one last glance to see if Joe was waiting for me at some other location and we just haven't found each other yet, but that was a lost cause. When I was finished looking I decided to walk home. It wasn't far but too long. He let me down and I didn't even know him yet. I was a stupid freshman girl that he thought he could stand up for a couple of laughs. I bet he was watching for me with a few friends to see if I actually would show up and when I did, he bailed out with them chuckling. It would be the talk of the school I'm sure. I would be known as "the girl who got stood up by the hottest guy in school" for the next four years here. Great. My thoughts kept flowing and I tried to ignore them. I wanted this to be over and forgotten. By this time I was walking up my driveway, and realized the only one home was my brother. Fantastic. I hope he never finds out what happened. If he did it would be the end of my life. Everyone would find out, relatives, friends, teachers, various strangers off the street.

"God please don't let him find out". I spoke under my breath as I walked through the front door.

Donovan was sitting on the couch with a humongous bag of Cheetos, three empty coke bottles and one that was half drank, and a giant turkey sandwich half eaten. He was watching football.

"You're unbelievable." I said as I was walking past to the stairs to hide in my room for all eternity.

"What? Sorry that I like food and eat like a normal person, unlike you, FREAK!" He said through a full cheesy mouth.

"Whatever." I didn't feel like talking. I felt like curling into a ball.

"Wait, ah, um…." He was heaving himself off the couch.

I stood at my door.

"Someone gave me this today. They wanted me to give it to you, his name is Jason. I think it may be a love note, hahaha, awe sissy. Why him? He's is butt ass ugly." He handed me an envelope, it felt thin. It had my name written in clean print, obviously a boys hand writing.

"Jason? Who is he?" I asked curious.

"He plays soccer, he's a sophomore. I think he hangs out with that one dude you were asking me about the other night. But yeah, don't date him; I don't want nieces and nephews that look deformed, and fat." I was in my room with the door closed before the last word was spoken. My heart was pounding; it was hard to breathe again. Was this a letter from Joe? I was scared to open it. Like something inside was going to bit me. Im dumb.

Calm down. I thought.

I opened it gently not ripping the paper too much; this might be something I want to keep. I pulled the one page letter from the small white envelope, and unfolded it. Before I began reading it I sat down on my bed, so I would not pass out or anything.

It began...

August Star,

I know right now you are thinking that I am the biggest jerk in the world, and that I had no intentions of meeting you after school today.

But, I wanted to tell you, that is very untrue.

Things had changed so rapidly, when I mean things, I mean I had to be somewhere today before school ended and I had no other way to tell you I couldn't be there. So I wrote this to you instead.

I hope you don't think its cheesy or anything, but I had to do something to reassure you that our walk is still scheduled. But instead, it will begin tomorrow morning at 8:00, and if you are still willing to walk with me, we will meet at the same place. Im so sorry and I do hope you forgive me for being so rude. I'm looking forward to seeing you for our little adventure.

And don't worry I will not stand you up again.

See you,

Joe

P.s. If you have a map of the state, bring one.

I folded my letter up and stuck it back into the envelope. I grabbed my phone and dialed Jades number. I could not stop smiling.

"Oh My God." Jade Muttered.

"I know, you should have seen me when I thought he stood me up." I admitted. Feeling embarrassed.

"Why didn't you call me?" She eyed me.

"I did right after I got home." I stabbed back. She was so testy sometimes.

" Hmm, I wonder what he had to go do." She thought out loud.

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow. But, atleast he told me. I mean, he obviously knew who my brother was so he was trying to know more about me. I think it's sweet" I spoke, taking the letter from jade. I looked at the clock it was 11:46. It was late and I have to wake up early for my adventure.

"A map of the state, so I'm guessing this is going to be a whole day event?" She said as she stood up from my bed, eyes in wonder.

"I don't know. I'm guessing so. Eh, im so excited but kind of scared. What if he takes me away and murders me?" it was more of a statement.

"Oh you're so weird. He won't murder you honey, stop being morbid. I'm heading out of here though. I have a date tomorrow too, haha." She laughed with glee toward my door and down my stairs.

"With who! Details." I nearly knocked her over with excitement.

"Andrew Jacobs." She said flatly.

"Again? Jade, you know he will go right back to Kendall, it happens every time. You are supposed to be Kendall's friend, I can see the drama now, I'm telling you this time, I'm not getting in the middle of it, I refuse." I fluttered through my words. I would stand my ground this time.

"I just want to make out." She smiled and dashed out the door. Waving goodbye.

"Uh, unbelievable." I spoke as I shut the door.

I headed to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. The cool water felt calming and hypnotizing, thankful to think about something else for a few seconds other then Joe. I wonder what would happen tomorrow. I got butterflies just thinking about it. After my shower and ran to my room to scrounge through my closet for presentable traveling clothes. By the time I was finished my room was littered with shirts and shoes, but at least I had found something good to wear. I had green khaki shorts that were stretchy, good for long rides and easy walks and a gray snug V-neck tee-shirt. It was me though. Sometimes I would consider myself the plain type. Simple, was my kind of word, and if that meant clothes and hair and make-up, I was all game. I threw the rest of my clothes into my closet in a massive pile; my mom was going to kill me. I jumped into me bed and set the alarm on my phone for 7:00, and prayed to the big man upstairs that he would allow me to wake up in time. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. I had one bright neon green star taped to my ceiling, Jade thought that was funny. I felt changed. Like this was it, I found my prince charming. A prince by the name of Joe O'Bryan.

I woke the next morning surprised to find that I was an hour early. Instead of my preferred 7:00 wake up time, my clock read 6. I could already feel the butterflies in my stomach, which I was sure they woke me out of my peaceful slumber. I couldn't relax; before I started getting ready I cleaned my room of all the thrown clothes -before my mother saw- and ate a little breakfast. I walked back down stairs to put my dishes in the sink, I turned to see my father sitting at the kitchen table with his nose in the paper.

"August, come here." He said peeking his head over the top of the paper so he could see me better. I walked over and sat down at the table, slightly frightened.

"So, I heard you got a love letter." He frowned.

Donovan.

My face went rigid; I felt the blood forcefully collect in my cheeks and leave the rest of my body limp. I would kill him the next time I saw my brother, all the secrets I held for him from our parents would be given to them in essay form, and I was very good at essays.

"Yeah, I did.. And?" I spoke calmly. He knew inside I was pissed.

"Now, don't be mad at your brother, he told me because he cares for you and he doesn't want you dating a guy who looks 50 and weighs at least 200 pounds."

"Donovan had no right telling you anything!" I jumped out of my seat to leave the kitchen.

"August Elizabeth Star, you will not walk away from me, we are going to talk about this". He said as a matter of factly, standing. My father was a very tall fellow compared to me anyway. He stood at least a foot taller then I. So I sat.

"You have it wrong anyway, that letter wasn't even from that guy, and he was just the messenger. Another guy sent it and I'm sure you would approve of him, if you would just not listen to anything Donovan says because he is so egotistical and ignorant. The guy I have a date with in a hour..."

"A date?". He interrupted

"Yes dad a date, we are going somewhere I'm not sure, it's a surprise and.."

"Wait, you don't even know him really? Noway. No ma'am. Not without me meeting him first.

"NO!" I stood again.

"You don't even know this boy and you're getting in the car with him and taking off somewhere?" He stood with me.

"Dad, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Seriously, I can't call him and tell him to meet you…"

"You just keep digging yourself a hole, August. If I can meet this boy, then sure, you can go on your little adventure, as long as I get a name and a number, and I can see his face. Just in case I have to take my shot gun over to his home after he desposes of your body, into a ditch somewhere. I'll be the judge of character on this one." He sat down again satisfied. I was defeated.

"Okay ill do something." I left the kitchen and walked up the stairs, stomping the whole way up.

I realized that I had about 30 minutes before I needed to start my journey towards the school. I threw on my outfit I picked out the night before and brushed my hair and teeth. I didn't care about make-up or anything. If this boy was going to like me, he will have to like me natural. I had about 5 minutes to spare so I decided to start my paybacks with Donovan now. I wrote a little note explaining that when Donovan was 13 he skipped the 7th grade 10 times to play poker with his friends and look at trashy magazines. I would start there just for fun. I took the note downstairs and put it on the fridge told my father I would be back and headed for my high school.

I looked around the field and sat in silence. I was a few minutes early, so I was calming myself before Joe got to the field. I was frightened, but curious. I wanted to know who he was, know his secrets. His life, I wanted to know everything. That might be weird, even though I think a lot of it stemmed to his looks but it went a lot deeper than that. He was different, he seemed sincere...

"Hey August Star." Mt heart stopped beating. I turned around to look at the most beautiful being I have ever seen. I was standing there looking at me with the biggest smile I have ever seen. I felt considerably ugly compared to this boy. He was wearing khaki shorts and a black tshirt that hugged his chest muscles and made his skin look creamy. He was wearing his aviators on top of his short shaggy blond hair. I was mesmerized by everything about him. The way he smiled crookedly, just a little grin showed the slightest hint of dimples. Once I got to his eyes I couldn't look away. They were actually teal, a sea color with greens and dark yellows; I'd never seen anything like it before. He was beautiful.

"Hey Joe, I enjoyed your letter". I thought I would start the conversation.

"Well I felt really bad about not meeting you; I had to do something about it." He walked towards me and reached his hand out as he smiled tenderly. I reached mine toward his and softly placed it in his hand. It was rough and engulfed my hand because I was so much smaller than him, in many ways. He tightened the embrace and slowly pulled me toward him.

"So you ready to go?" He stared into my eyes. More like my soul, I lost my heart beat a long time ago.

"Yes, but one thing first, I hope you don't mind". I said embarrassed.

"Sure, what is it?" He asked opening my door for me to his black jeep. I hoped in and he closed it for me. He ran to his side of the jeep and jumped in. He turned and propped his elbow on the center console and stared at me with a crooked grin. When I turned and realized how close he was, I propped mine up with his and turn towards him smiling. I could smell his cologne he put on.

"We need to make a stop at my house."

"I'm really sorry about this". I spoke to him in an apologizing tone.

"Hey, don't worry about it at all. I would be concerned if he wasn't worried about who his beautiful daughter may be going on a date with". He said to me walking up the driveway to my door.

A DATE! I thought. This was a date. I guess, maybe. I mean it wasn't diner and a movie but it worked for me.

"Okay here we go". I opened the door and saw them. My dad and brother were perched on the sofa watching T.V. My dad was holding and beer and my brother a Coke, watching sports. Great.

"Hey guys, this is Joe." Make it fast as possible.

Donovan jumped off the couch. I will kill him if he embarrasses me, even in the slightest degree.

"Hey man!" Donovan walked over and Hugged Joe. I walked passed them and gave a stern look at my father.

"Hey Donovan, long time man." Joe said smiling, so casual. He wasn't worried at all; I on the other hand was frantic. My father stood and walked over to Joe, standing only a few inches shorter than him.

"So, ah, what do ya want with my daughter?" Wow, dad. Good conversation starter. It's funny how I didn't even know that answer.

"Well sir, I met August the other day and I wanted to get to know her a little better". He said innocently. He was very confident. I stared at his face. His eyes flickered to me when he said my name. I smiled a little bit.

"Where ya taking my daughter then?" He crossed his arms.

"North of woodland Hills." He spoke assertively.

"And you're going to do what?" My dad looked at me. Then I looked at Joe. He looked at my father.

"I think we might do a little walking and some picture taking sir. The leaves are starting to change and right now is the prime time for pictures." He smiled at me. So he was into photography. I never expected that.

"Yeah so we have to go dad, we'll see you later." I turn and started to walk away.

"oh, eh, Joe, yeah this walking and picture taking better not include laying down, or anything else that involves any other part of the body. And if it does my shot gun is just upstairs." Time to go.

"Bye dad". I said in a hurry before he said anything else embarrassing, he didn't even own a gun.

"Bye sir, I will have her back for dinner". And then they shook hands. I was impressed. Then we turned and walked out to experience the day's adventure.


End file.
